I wish I could press pause on my life right now.
The tiniest, wisest man in the world grows daily before my eyes, and I cradle him and rock him and hold his red fingers, knowing what I didn’t know with Maggie Rose: these still days of infancy are short lived, and of course I cannot know if I will ever have such a time in my life again. And so Howard and I sit. On the porch, at the kitchen table, in front of my laptop. I lay him against my heart and sit back, amazed by the capacity of the human heart to love so quickly and so well.
I fell in love with baby Maggie Rose daily, and in different ways each day. I learned to love a baby, and to create a family. With Howard, it is different – not better, not worse, but different. He was born and my heart simply tripled in size.
As Howard and I breathe slowly in unison, the peak of summer builds all around us: the weather is hot and the bees are storming about, filling their combs with honey. The phone rings with honey orders. Maggie Rose’s emotions continue their roller coaster ride on the Big Sister Transition. The washing machine and the dishwasher and the coffee maker all blink and buzz at me.
Still holding Howard, I fill orders and answer questions and fold towels and kiss away crocodile tears and mix up huckleberry lemon muffins, because Maggie and Honeydew love them. I cannot press pause, but I do not have to put him down just yet.
Celebrating thirty-three years on this beautiful planet, with my wonderful family. June 24, 2013.
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