I’ve watched my heart go cruising around outside of my body over the last week. It’s been on daily walks to Hillhouse, to Many Glacier twice, to St. Mary once.
As I’ve watched my heart go cavorting through the valley, it’s occurred to me that nearly every gooey cliché I’ve read about babies and parenthood has somehow managed to stomp on my much practiced cynicism. To my abject horror, all the clichés are true. The love I feel for Maggie Rose is all encompassing, is frightening, is blissful.
She grasps my index finger with surprising strength and I become a pool of sweet salinity, even as my brain reminds me that such grasping is just a basic infant reflex, that Maggie is not consciously deciding to hold hands with me.
The bath water cascades over her full head of hair – “her natural color is the same as your unnatural color!” Honeydew exclaims – and causes her to offer me a mysterious infant smile, and my mind races. Is she expressing happiness? Is she reacting to reflex? Does she have gas? Does she like me?
We rock in my mother’s rocking chair, in a puddle of sunlight streaming into the Warehome windows, and she sighs contentedly, sleeping on my chest, and I feel like I am lit from within, as though I have ropes of Christmas tree lights for veins.
She makes eye contact with my aunt and my parents and they delight in her, happier than I have seen them in years, and I suddenly understand how much my Sissy and my parents love me, and I die a little bit at the thought that Maggie will not understand how much I love her until she has her first baby. And I wonder if she could ever love me as much as I love her.
And the day flies by in a flurry of feedings, and phone calls to insurance agents and neonatologists and beeswax brokers, and pink dresses, and invoices to send, and invoices to pay, and suddenly the sun breaks over Chief Mountain, and dusk falls.
And I look at Honeydew and Maggie, snuggled together on the faded plaid couch, and I know that although one day soon I will not be quite as hormonal and crazed with baby love, that love as I’ve known it has been forever changed, as has that cynicism I’ve worn proudly, like battle armor, for so very long.
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June 13, 2011 at 8:09 pm
Radiant words. Radiant family.
June 14, 2011 at 8:02 am
agreed!
June 14, 2011 at 8:46 pm
You girls are too sweet. Thank you.
June 13, 2011 at 8:18 pm
There’s nothing like the love we have for our children, It’s not sexy, it’s not romantic, it’s not friendship with expectations. It’s just pure Love, we would do anything for them. Thanks. Keep Blogging. Keep Writing.
June 14, 2011 at 8:47 pm
Well said, and thank you.
June 13, 2011 at 8:41 pm
Isn’t it amazing?
June 14, 2011 at 8:47 pm
Yes!
June 13, 2011 at 9:14 pm
Aw, she is beautiful congrats!!!! ❤
June 14, 2011 at 8:47 pm
Thanks, Robin!
June 13, 2011 at 9:36 pm
Best picture of the fam yet! I cannot wait to hold her! And I will actually admit that it makes me a little nervous thinking of her in bear country already, as soon as she is old enough there will be lots of bear safety talks. xoxoxoxox
June 14, 2011 at 8:48 pm
Haha, Greg is already trying to make me promise I won’t teach her “hey bear!” He claims it is embarrassing. You and I know better. Gooooo Dawgs! Hope to see you soon!
June 14, 2011 at 5:36 am
This is so sweet and sooo true! That is one lucky little Maggie Rose!!!!! Where’s Uncle San?
June 14, 2011 at 5:37 am
And Chuck?
June 14, 2011 at 8:49 pm
Oh, they’re as besotted with Maggie Rose as the rest of us fools …. blog on the boys to come soon, Wanda!
June 14, 2011 at 6:30 am
Helps to understand why the Greeks have so many words for love! Thank you for sharing your life with us through your beautiful gift of composition!
June 14, 2011 at 9:22 pm
I had forgotten about the Greeks and their words for love … like the Eskimos and their words for snow. Lovely. Good to “see” you, Owene.
June 14, 2011 at 8:08 am
Wonderful Courtney! The family picture is great. Maggie looks like one healthy little girl 🙂 I love that snuggle time with the little ones. There is nothing like it. I hope I get to see Maggie before she won’t be still for a snuggle 🙂
love to all
Patrice
June 14, 2011 at 9:24 pm
I hope you get to, too, Patrice.
June 14, 2011 at 9:42 am
Well said… I have the chills as I read your words that mimic what my mine cannot as beautifully express. We are so lucky to have daughters to love!!
June 14, 2011 at 9:25 pm
We are so, so lucky. And guess who else has a new daughter to love? My godson’s sister arrived today!
June 14, 2011 at 9:57 am
Beautiful in every way!
June 14, 2011 at 9:25 pm
Thanks, Mrs. Wall!
June 14, 2011 at 5:09 pm
I set my moms mothers day card overnight the year after Wes was born, I know.
June 14, 2011 at 9:25 pm
I love that, Frankie.
June 14, 2011 at 9:12 pm
Isn’t it amazing how much you can love her?! I remember when they handed Cash to me, it was overwhelming, the love that oozed from me. The first thing I told my parents is that having a child made me love them more and it also made me realize just how much power I have over them!
So happy for you my dear sweet friend. Cheers to a lifetime of watching lil Maggie and loving every inch of her!
June 14, 2011 at 9:26 pm
Thank you, honey. Those are heartfelt and kind words, and I can entirely relate. Big kisses to Cash!
June 22, 2011 at 5:16 pm
Beautifully written, dear girl. Though I am not a mother, I could almost feel what that love must be like in your descriptions. I hope to know it one day.
June 26, 2011 at 2:42 pm
If you want it, I hope it is yours one day, too. Thanks for the kind words.